Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
