we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
