you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
