just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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