Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
