Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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