i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
