Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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