just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Did I show you my penis last night?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
