Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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