Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
