I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
