He passed out mid-signature
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
