I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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