Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
