You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
