I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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