And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
