I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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