I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
