Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize