but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
