How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
