i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize