; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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