summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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