Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
