How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize