dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
