Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You may now shotgun with the bride
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
