real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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