I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
