you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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