Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
