Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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