She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
