Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
