the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
