Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Randomize
