Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
