I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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