Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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