Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
