What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
