Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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