dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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