1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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