I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize