It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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