I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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