yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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