This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Life is so much better after having sex.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
