You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
