Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
