The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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