see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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