do herpes really smell.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
