Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
