Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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