I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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