im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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