I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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